I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
