I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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