I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
