just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
All the doctor said was why
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
