can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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