I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
