Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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