home. puking in laundry basket.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
