There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
