So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
