I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
