So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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