morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
