So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
