I hate your face
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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