i love accidental penises.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
