I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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