Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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