I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
