She's JV to your varsity
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
