she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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