I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
