Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
