So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
