I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
