Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
she told me i tasted like america
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
