almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
