based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
