I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
