some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
