Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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