The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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