I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
