My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
