I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
