he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
