did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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