You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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