The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
