WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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