What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
