im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
