You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
