Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Houston, we have a blender
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
