She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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