Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Farmville is her only friend.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize