Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
