So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
