Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
