Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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