He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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