So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she peed on how many people?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
