I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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