So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
