i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
