Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
