no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
