so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
