I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
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