so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
