She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
