Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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