pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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