Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
