Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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