I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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