Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
