i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
