We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize