is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize