I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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