um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize