I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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