i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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