I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
