He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
